Pittsburgh flush with cases of “explosive diarrhea” caused by cyclosporiasis

It’s finally here, Pittsburgh — the “explosive diarrhea” wracking the nation’s bowels has reached the shores of our three rivers. This wave of devastating doo-doo is brought to you by the cyclospora parasite . The microscopic pest causing a massive outbreak of Michigan mud butt has been linked to produce including salad greens, cilantro, basil, and raspberries. If your poop is vicious and viscous a week after eating these items or drinking contaminated drinking water, you might have the cyclosporiatic squirts. The Allegheny County Health Department has identified 11 cases of cyclosporiasis so far across the county’s commodes. Common symptoms include hot brown (diarrhea), a tummyache (cramps), feeling queasy, uneasy, and eepy (nausea and fatigue), no hungy (loss of appetite), and Ozempic vibes (weight loss). Some people have also reported it comin’ aht both ends. The county is working to figure out if these cases are linked. What can yinz do if you’re walking down the hill and you feel something spill? ACHD says there’s a “specific antibiotic treatment” to rectify your rectum if a lab test identifies cyclospora in your guts. In any event, call your doc if your butthole is in shock. Having the runs is no fun, but there are steps you can take to prevent cyclospora’s anal assault. ACHD offers the following pieces of ass advice to keep your movements firmly in the middle of the Bristol Stool Chart , including: Warsh them hands: Wash your hands vigorously. Alcohol-based sanitizers won’t kill the stubborn cyclospora. If handling produce, wash before and after, and warsh up all them dishes right away, too. Warsh them greens: Scrub that produce like it’s peepaw’s hairy back. Thoroughly rinse salad fixings, and avoid bagged greens. Cut off any rotten bits. If it’s toast, compost. Keep ’em cold: Stick your produce in the fridge early and often. It’s great above 158˚: Cooking anything above medium well is gonna kill the